The NHL schedule begins tonight with a quartet of games – Winnipeg at Toronto (of course), St. Louis at Pittsburgh (of course), Calgary at Edmonton (hey, a rivalry!) and Philadelphia at San Jose (sure, uh, why not?).
With the opening faceoff between the Jets and Maple Leafs just after 7 p.m. in the Eastern time zone, 31 teams will begin what will end for one as the ultimate journey – the chance to lift Lord Stanley’s Cup eight months from now.
So with that in mind, 1st Ohio Battery thinks it would be good to preview the season, from A(naheim) to, well, W(innipeg). And we’re going to do it in a bit of a non-traditional way: via haiku.
Yes, you read that right.
Five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables, for all 31 teams. It’s the best 527-syllable NHL preview your money can buy.
So without further ado, here's your haiku.
Anaheim Ducks: Once Mighty, these fowl/Are getting longer in beak/Hope this joke Getzlaf
Arizona Coyotes: A great haiku name/Oliver Ekman-Larsson/Domi's much shorter
Boston Bruins: These old veterans/Won't hibernate through winter/Bear watching in East
Buffalo Sabres: The drought has been long/Six years since postseason bid/But Sabres like Eich
Calgary Flames: A shot of Jagr/The mullet man's back in league/Could be Gaudreau's dad
Carolina Hurricanes: Skinner! Chalmers cries/Aurora borealis?!?/But Jeff can steam hams
Chicago Blackhawks: Kane and Toews still there/But we'll miss their newest guy/Kneel before Saad
Colorado Avalanche: Will Joe pull trigger?/Duchene an unhappy guy/Time to make a move
Columbus Blue Jackets: From Russia with love/First Bob, now Artemi too/He'll Putin the goals
Dallas Stars: A goalie arrives/A chess piece they surely need/Can Bishop be king?
Detroit Red Wings: Where have you gone Joe?/Not DiMaggio; Louis/We'll miss that old barn
Edmonton Oilers: All hail McDavid/Quite slick in oil country/The Hart of it all
Florida Panthers: Young, talented Cats/The goalie's a Twitter star/But will he stop pucks?
Los Angeles Kings: Fans here still boo Jeff/And wish for Kopitar pick/Those wounds cut to Quick
Minnesota Wild: A great year fell short/Now will team momentum Staal?/What a Dumba joke
Montreal Canadiens: Parlez-vous français?/No, but ask Al Montoya/10 translates to dix
Nashville Predators: Party's on Broadway/Hockey, hot chicken, country/That's what Nashville does
New Jersey Devils: Crowds have been lacking/Where's Puddy when you need him?/Gotta support team
New York Islanders: Milbury, Spano/And Gorton's Fisherman togs/A proud team declines
New York Rangers: Dear Evan Hansen/Is Grabner’s speed still Wicked?/Blueshirts on Broadway
Ottawa Senators: Quite a run last year/But Sens must turn the Pageau/To contend again
Philadelphia Flyers: Bullies no longer/Rebuild begins on Broad Street/Thanks for Bobrovsky
Pittsburgh Penguins: Congrats on the Cups/But we don’t care for Crosby/Or Malkin or Sheetz
San Jose Sharks: Jumbo Joe still reigns/But losing his friend Marleau/Could be large Hertl
St. Louis Blues: Forty-one playoffs/And nary a Cup to enjoy/We can feel your pain
Tampa Bay Lightning: So close to a Cup/In ’15, Bolts should rebound/Til Stamkos gets hurt
Toronto Maple Leafs: Canada’s franchise/Is led by a young Yankee/You can't help but laugh
Vancouver Canucks: How many jerseys/Can a franchise ever wear?/Just pick a color
Vegas Golden Knights: Without superstars/Danny Ocean planned better/Team could use Clooney
Washington Capitals: Is it their year? Nah/Ovi’s lot is to fall short/Choking dogs return
Winnipeg Jets: No playoff wins yet/Coincidence? I think not/Bring back the Queen pic